Piayot Goes to France

Let The Game Begin!

Here I recount my first few hours in France - more specifically, my first few hours outside the Philippines.

Sunday, 28 August 2005
11:30 am Manila Time
I was taking in the view of my room, the smell, the disarray which I have always been used to when the doorbell rang and in came my gradeschool friends - pima, ghe, ayen - and pima's boyfriend Tatang. I was so surprised with their appearance, and very happy. For a moment they pushed away the feelings of dread and anxiety which had been building up for the past days. But only for a moment. The next instant, I remembered I wouldn't be with them for quite a long time - no Meris reunions, no pigging out with them, no healthy discussions, or plain chikka. Feelings of nostalgia ran through me and to prevent any more sad feelings, I went down the stairs to go to where my family was, busily looking over my luggage.

11:45 am Manila Time
Theoretically, by this time, I should have been saying my goodbyes to family and friends already. But no, lo and behold, my luggages were being unpacked. They were too heavy and thus, we had 15 minutes to unpack and repack (mind you, prior to this, I had packed and unpacked my luggage 4 times already). Out of sheer exasperation (Why one earth did they give me only 20 kilos luggage allowance for a 10-month stay in france! Hello?!? I'll spend four seasons there! Winter clothes already take up half of that weight!), I left them to finish off my things because the more time I spend looking over what to remove and not to remove, the more I become sentimental - nostalgia piling up with each article they remove from my luggae.

12:00 pm Manila Time
Well, they made it. They packed my bags successfully. After a brisk snack to arm me with a little courage before I leave, we loaded everything to the car. My Meris friends started to say goodbye... and tears began to well up in their eyes. We had a group hug and almost everyone emerged with tears running down their faces... I was close to tears, but since it won't do any good, and with my lola, tita and mom also crying a bit, I couldn't bring myself to cry and I could only smile - a simple silent smile, just enough to show them I was brave enough to do it, that I was standing by my decision, and silent enough to prevent me from crying, from betraying the fear and the nostalgia which had built up in me.

12:30 pm Manila Time
First drama episode finished. Reality check. I forgot my batteries, my plug adaptors, and I didn't have a decent wallet!!! So we checked out a nearby sari-sari store and procured some batteries which I could bring with me. Passed by Crossings, and with my cousin Joshua, ran up the steps, looked for adaptors in vain, and found a wallet which was good enough, and which could fit into my tight peso budget since I only had a few peso bills left in my pocket.

2:00 pm Manila Time
Surprisingly, not a tinge of nostalgia in my blood. Toxic - of all the worries of checking in, of leaving something, of not making it on time. Good thing the staff of Gulf Air was very accomodating and kind. After a hurried checking in, I went out again to the sending off area - my Ateneo friends + joAnne, and my family were still there. I wanted to, but dreaded, formally saying goodbye.

2:05 pm Manila Time
The moment I feared the most. The hardest part of leaving is walking into the sliding doors of the airport knowing that the next time you reemerge from those same doors, the scenery will be different , the people have changed, and even you will be different one way or another. The hardest part of being left is seeing the person you care for actually walk to the sliding doors, see the sliding doors part in welcome and then close, sealing and concretizing the parting which you've dreaded for the past weeks or even months.

So there I reemerged from the sliding doors one last time to say goodbye to everyone. I had dreaded that moment the most, and I had prepared myself for that - prepared myself so good in fact that I myself was astonished that I left without a tear, and only with a smile. Everyone was there sending me off with well wishes - kuya nits, lolo, lola, mommy, joshua, jc, naomi, jeleen, joAnne, dande, and el (who unfortunately got caught by the guard and was prevented from going to the departure area). It was a potpourri of emotions - sad because I'll be missing them, happy because I learned that they really cared for me and because my friends gave me a new book (eleven minutes by paolo coelho) together with letters, afraid because after saying goodbye I'm on my own, excited because I'll see the limits of my courage and apprehensive because the guard was watching and was already warding us away even if we haven't finished saying goodbye (maybe he's too used to the scene it wasn't important to him anymore). Finally, when all was said and done, I had to go, and with one last hug, one last wave and one last smile, I stepped into the carpetted floor leading to the airport entrance, wrapped up my emotions, shrugged off my fears, and prepared myself for the long journey lying ahead of me.

Gulf Air staff member, Henry, was already waiting for me at the counter and with his cheerful personality, he escorted me to the boarding area and entertained me with stories and friendster information until i've settled into my seat.

2:15 pm Manila Time
El texted me saying he was sorry he wasn't able to send me off personally (because of the guard who caught him). It was a pity he was able to get through the guard only after I went into the airport already. I spent my last moments in the Philippines looking at the other Filipinos around me (some wearing smiling faces, the others wearing chagrin ones), and texting my friends and family.

3:00 pm Manila Time
Boarding time. Carrying my hand carry I went in line, wishing that my seatmate would be nice. I found my seat, saw my seatmate. He was ok. He talked with someone the whole time before taking off, finishing with tears in his eyes... (sniff) Misery loves company. I found solace in knowing that I wasn't the only one leaving the Philippines with a heavy heart.

4:00 pm Manila Time
Take off. Too bad I didn't have a window seat. At any rate, I saw the far away view of the Philippines for one last time and entertained myself with the amusing gestures being made by the stewardess for the security briefing.

to be continued...

posted by Pia @ 11:58 PM